Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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