so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
