Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
