yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
