I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Floor bacon is actually really good
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
