Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have fence marks all over my body
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
