Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
