I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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