I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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