MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
