I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
