Betty ford says i'm here all night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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