All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
