I hate all girls vehemently.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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