My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
honey bunches of taint.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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