i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
