Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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