What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
