I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
