don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
