Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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