I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
