I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
