Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
