Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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