it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
