I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
