I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
