i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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