so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
