my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
