i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
