We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
