Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
