I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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