4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
