My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
