oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
pray to the hookup gods
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
