I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
