Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
