You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
