At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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