it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
