I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I CAN MOONWALK!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
