he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
two words...techno handjob
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
