I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
