WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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