Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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