You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
