It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
