Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
