You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
