im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
