He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
