I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
