I haven't been this sober since birth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
