he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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