Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
