I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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