So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
