i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
