So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
