I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
