Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
