I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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