Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
