well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
