currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
