I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
