I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
