drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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