woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you never un-have a 4some
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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