kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"