Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.