Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?