I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want to have your abortion
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
