just come out here and I will go home with you...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
