dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
