Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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