So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
