We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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